Tag: mental health

On imposter syndrome, sensitivity and work

Below you’ll find a collection of essays I’ve written in my personal journal over the years. These essays cover topics and feelings artists experience yet rarely share.

Can you just do? On artistic sensitivity, self-doubt, jealousy, happiness, failure and work

As artists we’re able to fall deep in dark pits of self-doubt, uncertainty and melancholy. We question our purpose, hold on to negativity, and doubt our abilities because it’s hard. It’s really hard to work against the grit to pursue our calling – something that has been given to us at birth. Sometimes the psychological pressure we feel being a working artist is tougher to overcome than the financial burden we all face at times.

“DO” is the theme of LeWitt’s 1965 letter written to a fellow artist Eva Hesse, who was tormented with self-doubt.  In this video Benedict Cumberbatch reads the letter that’s incredibly moving no matter how many times I listen to it.

On comparisons, failure & jealousy

Many artists are riddled with jealousy or a paralyzing fear of not being good enough or of not being able to achieve greatness. As a result we draw endless comparisons and feel bad about ourselves. I often see how jealous other artists are of me despite their achievements and accolades.

I think about the mastery of others differently, although I must admit that I also compare myself to others. First, I look at the talents of others as a high bar to reach up to, as a place to aspire to and to be inspired. I find other artists’ work incredibly inspirational to me, and I also learn from art and artists a great deal.
Second, I look at other artists I admire not to give up because they are good and I’m not. They are talented and I may fall into this trap thinking that there is no time in the universe to ever get close to their level of mastery. Perhaps, I’ll never will, but why would I give up on all the fun and joy that art brings me?! Why would I limit myself and stop painting just because someone else is better?! See, comparisons don’t move you forward, they stop you from even beginning doing something meaningful in your life, and as a result you end up achieving nothing, complaining about the circumstances you’re in. I release myself from this weird feeling of jealousy. I replace it with a feeling of gratitude I’m here to create!

Failure takes a big part in my life. For every finished painting there are a few that end up in a trash bin. I get rejected often. I also fail in some relationships with people, and fail to communicate my boundaries that get pushed, pushed to the wildest extremes at times. Failure is intense, frustrating, hurtful. Failure paralyzes. Failure grounds me to the floor so hard I can barely breathe. Over the years it’s getting harder to recover from it. However, failure doesn’t stop me from trying to achieve what I want. Failure is a signal to do things differently, to find a new approach. And finding this new way takes a lot of energy that often rivals my desire to let it all go in flames.

If you are a gifted person, it doesn’t mean you got something. It means you can give something away.

Carl Jung

On Artistic Sensitivity

Artists are also extremely sensitive people, and react to circumstances and opinions on a much deeper level than others. That’s one of the reasons why we see so many talented actors, writers, painters and musicians self-medicating a ‘weakness’ that’s been defined as a ‘mental illness.’ I think it’s more complicated than that. I see sensitivity in young art students. What I can control they can’t yet, and those emotions often arise and confuse them.

Yes, the sensitivity that artists have makes us different, different in having a natural gift that actually keeps on giving, if we nurture it. It can become the artist’s ‘strength.’ We’re able to see something beautiful in mundane places. We are able to move people emotionally. We go down in history as innovators in thoughts and movements. We make the world less ugly and more humane. Artists bring light and beauty into this world and it’s a wonderful contribution into this world if you ask me.

To read more about highly sensitive people: https://veronicasart.com/highly-sensitive-people-how-to-prioritize-well-being-to-tackle-personal-crisis/

To read more about why artists create art: https://veronicasart.com/why-artists-create/

To read more about awareness, mental health and illusion of reality: https://veronicasart.com/mental-health-connection-illusion-of-reality/

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” Michelangelo

On self-limitation & work ethic

As artists we’re creative. However, we often impose limits on ourselves via dated beliefs and social norms. In the beginning of our journey we may want to conform to norms. However, those norms and limitations stifle our natural creativity. Allow yourself to experiment with new materials, play with your ideas and paint what you want to paint! Also, take art classes to learn new or different skill. Despite having all the college degrees I have, I often buy new classes online because I want to learn new skills in digital painting, illustration, business, finance, etc.

Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.

Stephen King

Also, it’s super important to work through your artistic problems. If I gave up on every painting I created I’d be in the same spot I started 25 years ago. By working through my problems, finishing up every painting I learn to problem-solve and evolve. I improve my artistic skill and creativity by not allowing myself to give up on something that’s frustrating at the moment. I usually take a break from work that doesn’t look good and come back to it at a much later date. This pause allows me to see things differently and I am usually able to fix problems on canvas within minutes instead of hours or days spent on it in the past.

“If people knew how hard I had to work to gain my mastery, it wouldn’t seem so wonderful at all.” — Michelangelo

There is no cute formula for success in painting. It’s hard work every day. Other artists’ achievements inspire me to move forward, those artists become my guiding stars. That’s why I have no jealousy towards my peers, because I can see what’s possible in due time and practice. We fulfill our dreams with our own work, not the work of others.

I believe we succeed eventually, because we refuse to quit. Although it often feels like a dead end where there is nothing to go by, when words like ‘nice work’ or ‘good stuff’ can get you only that far. But a strong will, belief in myself, and the internal love for my craft keeps me grounded.

On a bad day 🙁

Powered by the ruthless force of frustration, I run with a steep incline, at the speed number that meets my level of emotional pain. The soles of my worn, running shoes fly over the rotating black belt; they build endurance, the survival tactic. And I run as my legs ache and they beg to slow down, but I refuse, I flush out my hurt with tears. My heart’s stomps blow my ears, and I override it with trance beat. My face deep red, I run. I track the whooping breath in my lungs. My insides burn like fire, and I run. My skin prickles, and legs are about to cramp. I’m acid perspiration. Unstoppable I become, feel the rise of resistance to my failures, to painful words and encounters, to the insensitive world that drowns, but teaches, teaches me to survive. And that’s how it feels on a bad day. Drenched in sweat, I run on a treadmill of artist’s life.

On a good day 🙂

The joy of painting runs inside me like the cobalt blue river. The snowflakes dance above its glossy surface and trickle down in my limbs. I feel the rise of divine energy and melt into another place, the forth dimension. It’s there, there I create. Through the looking glass I fall, where I hear no judgement and see no stop signs. The round clock on my wall quits ticking. Like a sweet fragrance of blooming roses, my joy flourishes and invigorates me. And that’s how it feels on a good day.

It’s one of those rare instances where you can see someone as powerful as Madonna being so vulnerable. Her speech explains so many things that underline her internal motivation for the work she has done as a female singer. She talks about sexism, misogyny, and feminism in the music industry receiving the award at Billboard Women In Music 2016.

“Be the Hero of your own story” by Judge Judy Sheindlin is a book for every young or young at heart girl to read. It explains the importance of independent thinking, and how you can open yourself up to opportunities. It’s available as a free download at Judy’s website:  http://www.whatwouldjudysay.com/

On Happiness

Is happiness a persistent state? Numerous books have been written about this subject. A million coaches preach that happiness is your ultimate goal to achieve to live a meaningful life. Everyone wants to get it. And if you admit that you’re not living it, you are the one who doesn’t work on yourself. But is it that simple? Because it sounds like judgement to me.
Happiness can be illusive. It’s just a moment in time. A moment of curiosity, connection, love, awe and joy. Those moments could be numerous but emotions are not constant if you’re a sensitive person. Changing emotions are like a river that runs, turns and shifts quite often. Every bump on the road presents a change in emotion. Happiness is just one of the emotions in a big spectrum of feelings. Yes, we can prioritize this feeling to have beautiful daily experiences but there is no guarantee to feel it even when we work on it.
It shouldn’t be work… Recently I met a person who emanates happiness. I can see the sun rays beaming from his chest. Can he feel as deeply or understand someone else as well  as someone who experiences other states of being? I think it depends on a person… I know a woman who is always happy like a little girl. That’s  fantastic because life is easy and fun for her. But when I have a closer look at her personality, her emotional spectrum is shallow. She experiences a limited range of emotions that pass quickly for her. While she enjoys her happy days, she is unable to comprehend the other person’s point of view or emotion.

A range of experiences makes up a person. And when peace arrives, it transforms into a state of serene happiness. Because when you’re at peace, you feel connected to yourself. Happiness isn’t permanent but becomes notoriously present inside the person to become whole.

Omnipresent Love, colored pencil & mixed media on paper

On dreaming big

The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.

Les Brown

As a child I didn’t learn to dream. As an adult I spent two decades of my life figuring out how to dream big. It involved a lot of inner work, parting with established rules and social conditioning. I became ambitious. A word that’s attributed to successful men, ambition often describes women in a negative tone as heartless go-getters. However, a healthy dose of ambition is necessary to grow professionally. As parents we should encourage development of natural abilities of our children to form lifelong interests, and as adults we should take responsibility for ourselves to develop ambition.

I believe that long-term success is never accidental. It’s hard work and sacrifice mixed with obsessive desire to overcome the impossible, mostly overcoming my own limitations. Some people spend years complaining and waiting for a miracle to dawn on them, but I think that’s finding excuses and not working on your fears get you nowhere. By challenging myself and accepting failures I’ve been taking many steps forward in becoming who I am today. However, what I’ve been missing in my life is a role model or a mentor. If you want to succeed in anything you dream about, find a strong mentor in your field. Mentorship helps model successful behavior. It also cuts down on frustration by doing the art business efficiently. You can waste years figuring stuff out on your own.

I also understood that gaining the right direction is a lot more important than speed. We want to have quick results, but life is rarely quick to deliver what we want. And understanding exactly what I wanted took a lifetime for me. Goals and aspirations may change over time. It’s ok. But if you’re serious about your career, concrete goals with due dates on my calendar make a big difference for me that give measurable results.

I often find myself in consistent hard work pushing through frustrations and failures daily, but I have also noticed that it’s not enough to break me through the ceiling. It’s not enough to have the talent. It’s not enough to work hard. It’s not enough to exhibit. You have to find greater meaning in anything you do, which benefits others and is unique to you. Now I know that the most important thing for my soul is to encourage art students to succeed professionally, and this is where you find me with my students, podcast and writing these days.

On finding support

When relatives and family are not great supporters of your art, search for like-minded people to support you emotionally, intellectually and professionally. Also, remember that your family’s absence of support is not because they don’t love you, but because they are also scared of your financial instability being an artist. This fear gets projected onto you and actually holds you back before you even start doing anything towards reaching your goals. Artists at heart who decide not to pursue creativity as a career often become depressed, because they remain unfulfilled and not seen for who they truly are. Therefore, it’s vital for parents to be supportive of their children’s attempts early on to give them the tools and the opportunities necessary to jump on a train on time and to encourage a positive mindset to achieve meaningful results in the future. It’s much harder (but still very possible) to establish yourself artistically later in life.

As a person, artist and teacher, I’ve seen a lot of discouragement and criticism that brings people down before they even think of pursuing something of importance to them. Over time it creates a timid mindset where you simply agree that it’s useless to dream big, or worse, you don’t even know that you can dream. So, instead of coming to the road filled with adventure and discovery, people turn to a comfortable sidewalk of boredom and in-the-box thinking. At the same time, when children get constant praise and 10 golden medals are given to all 10 places, there is not enough improvement and attempts to pursue higher goals. This is where a mentor comes in. He or she is capable of enough encouragement, yet can give a constructive critique, passing his/her skill and wisdom to the next generation of artists. 

Every person searches for acceptance, understanding and love. We want to be accepted for who we’re. But the truth is that there is no personal growth, if we don’t look at ourselves from all sides. Surrounding ourselves with good friends who are able to encourage and nurture our gifts often help us overcome the worst pitfalls we have. It’s a blessing. We should nurture those friendships.

The role of the artist is exactly the same as the role of the lover. If I love you, I have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see.

James Baldwin

On belief in yourself & purpose

Sometimes it’s difficult to find meaning in life if it’s not survival. Finding your own path or purpose is a different game. When we finally find ‘it’, fulfilling our purpose becomes a choice whether to pursue it or not. We can live in a depressive state of mind because of these two opposing reasons. If we don’t do what we love, life is meaningless. When we do what we love, problems and circumstances can be so overwhelming, we end up having a depression. What’s the cure? I think it’s about finding strength inside yourself. By being yourself and not looking for approval from the ‘outside’ world is a difficult task for many. I find my purpose in capturing the most beautiful side of the Universe in my art, and I’ve trained myself not to care what others think of my creativity.

One of the most important things in life is to believe in yourself. Don’t say you can’t do this or that. Don’t doubt your abilities. Believe that you can. And learn how to do it. This simple belief system has changed my life. Shifting my mentality, I opened myself up to learning and achieving so many things without relying on anyone else or finding excuses not to do it. Our insecurities, excuses and doubts kill our inner confidence, and if you can’t really believe in your abilities and yourself, your mind says ‘no’, people feel it, and you stay where you are. Dream big. Move mountains. Believe.

This simple word ‘happiness’ didn’t resonate with me for years remaining elusive and meaningless. The pressure to “feel happy” hovered over me like a guillotine, coming from all corners of the universe-the TV, magazines, family. Every outlet fixated on the idea of promoting happiness… Why aren’t you happy? Isn’t it funny how our culture sets the standards? You are either in or out.

I’m so incredibly fortunate I live a lifestyle that many cannot even dream of. I love my entire day from morning to late night. My lifestyle allows me to focus on my job-painting, and not to worry about tending gardens, providing for a large family, or simply looking for clean water, like in the African nations or Latin America. It’s my pure luck to live in a place with infinite opportunities.

I’m incredibly fortunate that I have the talent and I’m an artist. Although it’s been a very hard road to travel, today I understand that what I actually possess sets me apart from others. I used to be upset, thinking salespeople of vacuum cleaners (no offense to all sales associates, please) didn’t have to struggle with attitude, misery, and years of hard work during and after grad school. Now I see that although every job must be respected (a good plumber is always in demand), my work is no different from the work of others, yet it makes me different.

I contribute to society on the emotional level, not the material one. I know that my art leaves legacy, even if it looks insignificant and much less important than the invention of a light bulb or the Internet. I’m leaving a record of our time… Like any contemporary realist artist, I capture the beautiful in response to my surroundings and ideas. As I’ve learned to value myself for who I am, this blog entry is devoted to those artists who struggle to accept and value themselves. It is possible to stop the high-speed train at any moment, if there is enough willpower inside you to embrace change. Stopping my own self-destruction wasn’t easy. Thinking negatively about myself, crossing busy streets ignoring traffic, dragging one day to the next–all were unhealthy habits I couldn’t get rid of…Don’t let your memories, events or people dictate how you think about yourself. In your mind, let negative and disrespectful people go. No matter how you try to nurture your relationship with them, they won’t change their stance on life, and that will continue bringing you down (even if they don’t mean it). Stop feeling worthless by making room for people who appreciate you for who you are and value your opinion. As your outlook slowly starts to change, you begin to attract new and different people into your life; people who inspire you to create, live, and smile.

*Originally published in 2013.

interior space-veronica winters paintings

What makes an artist great is the ability to access the inner world we all have but that most others can’t access.

Rick Rubin

How to find your artistic voice

How long did it take you to paint that? “My whole life.”

Jackson Pollock

This is the most persistent question people ask artists to open up a conversation. They also want to gage the retail price of artwork to the number of hours spent working on it. Unlike the production of manufactured goods, this formula is not applicable to artists and art. It’s the fact that classically trained artists spend years, sometimes decades learning and developing a unique style and voice that can’t be measured by this simplistic formula of counting hours spent painting one artwork. Put professional artist in a room with anyone else interested in painting and ask to paint a tree. Both artists will spend equal amount of time on art creation but the result will be different. It takes years to become good, not hours spent painting one piece.

Art is within reach. We always find what we’re looking for if we truly seek it. It takes time and effort and our willingness to change to make things work in our favor. Learning to express ourselves visually is a need. Without having this inner need the artist remains an illustrator or a good craftsman. 
To develop your unique visual language you must dive deep inside your soul to understand your WHY. Why do you create what you create? What does it accomplish? What do you want others to see in your artwork? These are the questions that are always there inside my painting process.

sphynx cats art-veronica winters

When I went to art school at the Oklahoma State University back in 2001 I was lucky to have an oil painting professor who was I dare say old, probably in his early 80s. He had his convictions teaching art – painting large, having few rules, not worrying about the subject itself. His artistic belief was rooted in the American abstractionism and skillful realist figure drawing.
He used to say, “It’s not WHAT you paint, it’s HOW you paint it.” I couldn’t disagree more with that statement back then. I thought that the subject of painting or the story behind it was vital to the very nature of painting. But I also thought that the unique way the artist handled the paint was important. I still think of the professor fondly.
Before and after graduation with my MFA degree at Penn State, I commuted to New York taking art classes in classical figure drawing. I felt I had no talent. I pushed myself hard to learn the skills. I believed that the WHAT in painting required solid understanding of figure drawing.
Two decades later painting full-time I believe that it’s not WHAT vs. HOW. Truly creative artists have mastered and combined both concepts in their art. So the subject is just as important as the unique handling of the paint. It’s important to experiment and innovate.
Today I tell stories in my art using figure, color and symbols but I’m also pushing the boundaries of traditional painting techniques. While I rely on art history and skills I gained to depict the world realistically, I like to experiment with color, mixed media to create unusual surfaces and effects. So it’s not just WHAT I paint but HOW I paint it as well.

Artist’s path can be thorny, most unpredictable and definitely complicated. People avoid living such a life, many artists never make it in the profession, choosing stable comfort instead, working jobs they dislike. But true artists at heart are artists at every aspect of their lives. We can’t resist the thrill of adventure, self-discovery and limitless learning. We love to capture beauty in ordinary places, of seeing beyond the obvious, of expressing emotions without words. And that, my friend, is a blessing. Musicians, poets, writers, painters and other creatives often live in a tormented reality that eventually bares the fruit of labor.

If you’re interested to learn about video courses, please go here: https://veronica-winters-art-school.teachable.com/ or visit art shop

Why are artists depressed? Natural ways to find freedom from childhood trauma, addictions & negative thinking

self-portrait_facing-forty_the-dark-side-16x20_3-sm

Why are artists so depressed? The paradox of creativity and sadness

We experience depression at different stages in our lives. Sometimes it seems so permanent to our existence that we just learn to manage it, knowing it’s always there. Other times, it comes in unexpectedly after a traumatic event (like death in the family or a stressful event). However, artists are a lot more prone to depression because we are very sensitive people and mood swings “feed” our ability to create art. Yes, there are many happy artists, but there are a lot more unhappy ones.

Mood disorders are stigmatized. Depression is often associated with craziness, which is not the case. There are no voices, delusions or paranoia involved, depression is the state of a very deep, profound sadness and loneliness. There is a loss of joy and interest in daily activities.

According to various separate studies, artists have up to 18 times the rate of suicide seen in the general population, 8-10 times the rate of depression, and 10-20 times the rate of manic-depression. But this link between depression and creativity is not clear. I think that feelings that arise from depression actually help us create personal art, the one that matters in the long run. Moreover, by creating art we heal.

Famous people who either committed suicide or fight with depression:

The number of persons in creative fields believed or known to suffer or have suffered mood disorders is staggering. Over 50 percent of the 15 abstract expressionist artists such as Jackson Pollock and Mark Rothko had mood disorders, suicidal thoughts and alcohol abuse. 18th and 19th century poets including Emily Dickinson, Virginia Woolf and Silvia Plath suffered from depression. It’s speculated that Vincent Van Gogh was bipolar. The Russian composer, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky had depressive thoughts that you’ll find written in his letters.

In modern world, famous singers, actors, fashion designers, and artists-Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse, Robert Williams, Kate Spade and Alexander McQueen committed a suicide, despite their fame and family support. Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia in “Star Wars”) struggled with drug and alcohol abuse. Bipolar, singer and songwriter Sinead O’Connor tried to kill herself 8 times in one year. Other famous people who deal with mood swings include Demi Lovato, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Catherine Zeta-Jones.

It’s important to understand that a lot of artists who struggle with depression abuse alcohol, drugs and engage in risky behavior to numb the pain they feel inside. This is an emotional pain that doesn’t leave a person. This pain is self-destructive, and it often hurts not only them but also spouses, children and friends who have to deal with their depressive state of mind every day.

veronica winters oil painting
Everything that falls, 16x20in, oil painting on panel

Depression in artists and its causes

Depression and its effects are difficult to categorize. Mood disorders that include both depression ( unipolar disorder) and manic-depression ( bipolar disorder) is a scale of intensity levels. Some artists experience it once a year while others deal with depression every day. There are several types of bipolar disorder: bipolar I, bipolar II, rapid-recycling, mixed bipolar and cyclothymia. Common symptoms of bipolar people include loss of energy, sporadic sleeping and concentrating, while on the other side of the spectrum they have euphoria, feeling ecstatic or irritable. Bipolar artists flip between these two opposing states.

While I’m not a physician, I do believe that you must seek professional help dealing with this problem. However, many can’t afford health insurance or these services may not be covered here in the U.S., and therefore it’s up to us to find a solution. I do know that causes for depression differ and could be one or a combination of reasons that I list below. It’s important to understand yourself and to figure out why you have it because then you know what you need to heal firsthand, while seeking professional help. If not genetic, depression is widely psychological, and while prescription drugs may help you level out the mood swings and cope, understanding and treating your deep emotional wounds is necessary to see permanent change. When wounding is not deep and you experience mild melancholia, you may need just a few sessions with a psychologist. But if you’ve had some serious psychological trauma, please find an experienced psychologist to help you heal.

These are some of the causes for the depressive state of mind:

  • Deep psychological trauma in childhood
  • Physical abuse/ rape (Most deep wounding happens in childhood. Patrick Melrose TV series illustrates this problem really well.)
  • Rejection of you, your pursuits, your art, and as a result
  • Unhappiness/unmet expectations with work/ career
  • Hardships/day to day financial and psychological struggles
  • Traumatic event(s) that cause PTSD
  • Death in the family
  • Nonacceptance of your sexuality by family and friends
  • Postpartum depression
  • Genetic depression that runs in families

Childhood trauma

When a child experiences traumatic events, he begins the disconnect from his essence and the Source. This disconnect widens over time, especially if traumatic events continue to batter down the child to adulthood. Trauma can range from physical abuse to psychological abuse to neglect. When the child grows up, he forms his world view and the perception of reality. The adult has already developed unique patterns of behavior and thinking based on his response to trauma. Some common outcomes of trauma include anxiety, PTSD, fears, fobias, alcoholism, workaholism, sex addiction, eating disorders, drug use and depression. The trauma that happened in childhood triggers people to continue unhealthy behavior for good. Over time the adult tries to numb painful emotions with addictions. These addictions soothe the ‘wounded child’ for some time but when it wears off the person feels even worse than before. Not every abused adult becomes addicted to substances but all addicted people were abused at some point in their life.

According to Dr. Gabor Mate, childhood trauma leads to addictions. He says that the addiction is the response to human suffering. It’s an attempt to escape suffering or emotional pain.

People get stuck in the past in their minds and what becomes vital is to let go of of the past in order to heal from trauma completely. By changing the old patterns of behavior and replacing them with new, positive experiences, the person can set himself free from the past. As children we were all happy. The idea is to come back to that happy inner child by reconnecting to your true self. By learning how to love yourself first, we can become fully present to give love to others.

Gabor Maté CM (born January 6, 1944) is a Hungarian-born Canadian physician. He has a background in family practice and a special interest in childhood development and trauma, and in their potential lifelong impacts on physical and mental health, including on autoimmune disease, cancer, ADHD, addictions, and a wide range of other conditions.
Now retired from clinical practice, he travels and speaks extensively on these and related topics, both in North America and abroad. His books have been published internationally in over twenty-five languages. Maté’s approach to addiction focuses on the trauma his patients have suffered and looks to address this in their recovery, with special regard to indigenous populations around the world.

Support & Prevention: natural ways to free your mind

We often feel ashamed to talk about our emotions. As artists we often experience self-doubt. We question our abilities to create art because we’re not sure if we’re good enough. This limiting belief affects how we perceive the world and how we approach creating art. What’s there to make if everyone else is doing a great job already, right? And this is when self-doubt transforms into negative thinking over time. There are many artists who suffer from depression and anxiety. While the root causes may be very different for people experiencing that, artists often feel tormented and paint it on canvas. These negative feelings can feed the creativity and there is a lot of art from the past that shows just that. Edvard Munch’s “the Scream” comes to mind…Depression affects how we perceive our reality. Most of us have personal moments that became traumatic to our daily life. They shaped us to react to the world through the prism of our learned fears. Trauma could be as simple as harsh judgment or as difficult as rape. While it’s not our fault that we were mistreated it becomes our responsibility to overcome the problems we end up facing. People and events that hurt us won’t come back to ask for our forgiveness. Yet we become the prisoners of our own mind that was altered to survive. To free our mind or to let go of of all the negativity stored inside us we can turn to a friend, psychologist or daily meditation. But there is a lot more to emotional healing.

By overcoming your problems you free your mind from everything that makes you feel miserable. By making consistent, little positive changes daily you learn to fill your heart with love and new experiences once again. While regular therapy sessions can help you heal deep emotional pain, it can take a really long time that could stretch into years. However, by adopting different activities that give you enjoyment, you could speed up your recovery process.

illusion 24x36 oil on panel--veronica winters painting
illusion 24×36 oil on panel

Here are some of the things you can do to help yourself cope and get out of depression:

As artists we often feel helpless because there is very little encouragement, help or affordable mentorship available to us. Society and family often reject us that either builds stamina or sets you on a spiral of depressive thinking.

If you really want to get out of a vicious circle, make a decision to forgive people in your past, have a strong will to change yourself, and find a mission bigger than yourself. Stick to it!

  • Discover a goal/mission that helps others, not just you. Step out of your bubble to become part of a cause or community you care about. Get out of your home with ‘fake it till you make it’ attitude because giving makes your life meaningful. Remember, that there are so many others who struggle the same way you do and also need your love and support!
  • Find positive, like-minded individuals, artists, people of other professions who enjoy the arts. Let go off negative people in your life. They won’t change, but you can by letting them go and focusing on those who care. (If you live in a remote location, Facebook groups may help you connect with others).
  • Work to find something that brings you joy every day. This includes exercise, yoga, walking, reading. Sometimes it’s just talking to another human.
  • Share your story in your art. This art becomes personal and strong. Frida’s story comes to mind. Art has healing powers. Hannah Gadsby’s stand up does just that.
  • Focus on your artistic goals. Find a role model and grow to believe in yourself.
  • Give Love to someone you care about.
  • Make a positive note to yourself when you feel unbelievably happy. Open it up when you feel emptiness and sadness.
  • Watch videos on YouTube that will help you overcome your negative thinking. Tony Robbins comes to mind.
  • Suicide prevention:1-800-273-8255  https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 

Art Therapy

By doing any art form you love like music, writing, painting, poetry, collage, sculpture, video, photography – it can help you re-process your negative feelings to release them into the Universe. Art has powerful healing properties because it caters to our emotions, not logic. That’s one of the reasons why we go to art museums. We want to release stress and to find inspiration. We put art on the wall to experience positive emotions. Why not letting yourself experience that more often? Your art activity could be as simple as page coloring or as advanced as taking drawing art course.

Hypnosis

It turns out hypnotherapy could be yet another tool to break us free from anxiety and negative thinking. Hypnosis is not a pixie dust, but it allows for considerable personal growth if you have innate desire to change some habits in life that no longer serve you. Mr. Browning explains that it’s about starting with a slight “course correction” in thinking that creates new neural pathways to replace the old ones in our minds. By overcoming your problems you become much stronger inside because you free your mind from everything that makes you feel miserable. As a result you become more present and self-aware. By making consistent, little positive changes every day you learn to fill your heart with love and new experiences once again.

In this interview with a certified hypnotherapist, James Browning we discuss mental blocks, creativity, anxiety, affirmations and so much more!

James Browning, CCHt received his formal education at the Hypnotheraphy Training Institute in Corte Madera, CA, the oldest hypnosis school in the U.S. Mr. Browning holds certifications of Master Hypnotist, Hypnotherapist, Regression Specialist, and Clinical Hypnotherapist.

“It’s time you forgive yourself for everything you did or didn’t do,” Mr. Browning said.

Hypnotherapy is not about losing your mind, allowing a hypnotherapist to take full control of it. It’s about allowing yourself to overcome the past, your pain points, insecurities, as well as giving yourself a chance to create positive space inside your mind and heart to feel secure, creative, productive, and to live your life to your fullest potential. Hypnotherapy would help you free your mind and let go of things that hold you back, if you’re determined and persistent in changing your life around.

By going to his site, you can listen to a number of free hypnosis audio lessons to reduce anxiety, stress, worry, and pain. Listen to self-hypnosis for improved creativity audio, improved self-image audio, relaxation audio, anxiety reduction & sleep induction:  https://browninghypnotherapy.com/free-audio/

Ayahuasca treatment

There is an alternative way to accepted methods of treatment. People travel to Peru & Ecuador to experience the power of ayahuasca natural medicine. There is only one church in the U.S. that offers a very safe way to have transformational experiences working with sacred medicine. Check out the Soul Quest of Mother Earth in Orlando https://www.ayahuascachurches.org/ You can watch Unwell series on Netflix. One of the episodes is dedicated to that church.

I hope this article helps you or someone you know to understand yourself, grow spiritually and find a permanent solution to problems many of us face. My visionary art exists to give you a sense of peace and love.

Check out visionary art for sale

Other resources on the web:
  • https://www.theguardian.com/science/2015/jun/08/new-study-claims-to-find-genetic-link-between-creativity-and-mental-illness
  • Life and Letters of Peter Ilich Tchaikovsky, paperback, 2004
  • The Van Gogh Blues: the creative Person’s path through depression, paperback, 2007

Artists create art, cope with depression

This article was originally published in the Voices of Central Pennsylvania, November 1, 2012 | http://voicesweb.org/artists-create-art-cope-depression

It seems like a stereotype—the artist struggles through emotional turmoil, the struggle feeds the works of genius—but there may be more than a fabled link between mood disorders and art. According to various separate studies, artists have up to 18 times the rate of suicide seen in the general population, 8-10 times the rate of depression, and 10-20 times the rate of manic-depression.

Depression and its effects are also difficult to categorize. Mood disorders that include both depression ( unipolar disorder) and manic-depression ( bipolar disorder) have vastly different intensity levels. Some artists are affected by it mildly a few times a year while others experience depression daily throughout their lifetime. Depression can even be genetic.

The number of persons in creative fields believed or known to suffer or have suffered mood disorders is staggering. Over 50 percent of the 15 abstract expressionist artists such as Jackson Pollock and Mark Rothko had mood disorders, suicidal thoughts and alcohol abuse. 18th and 19th century poets including Emily Dickinson are thought to have suffered from depression. An artist doesn’t have to be internationally known to struggle with depression. Five local artists running the gamut from a rock musician to a landscape painter speak frankly here about depression and the arts.

June Ramsay is a multi-media artist with twenty years’ experience in hand-dying fabrics. She is also an oil painter whose works have been featured in the Arts Fest “Images” show.

Cole Hons is a rock singer, band leader, and poet who also has worked as a journalist for CDT and now is a New Media Writer/Producer for the Center for Sustainability at Penn State.

Roxanne Naydan is a pastels painter with a bachelor’s degree in fine art and a masters in visual art. She has illustrated the book of poetry, Selected Poetry of Lina Kostenko: Wanderings of the Heart (Garland Publishers, 1990), and her painting, “Eerie Orchard”, appears on the cover of the book of poetry The Narcoleptic Yard (Black Lawrence Press, 2009).

William Snyder III is a mixed-media artist with an MFA in printmaking from Penn State (2005). Snyder serves as the president of the SoVA Alumni Group and on the College of Arts and Architecture’s Alumni Society Board at Penn State.

Suicide is painless?

For some artists who deal with depression, a downturn in mood can lead to thoughts of suicide.

June Ramsay is genetically predisposed to depression and said she thought of killing herself for the first time when she was just 5 years old.

“I was sitting beneath the sink, looking at all sorts of cleaning products thinking ‘which one would do it,’” she said.

Those occasional suicidal thoughts did not simply vanish.

“Yes, there have been several times in my adulthood when thoughts of suicide have plagued me,” wrote Ramsay. “Sometimes, I can visualize hurting myself and that can lessen the urge, another time I actually did cut myself and that was enough to ease the desire to kill myself, and another time I called a friend at 2 a.m. and she talked me through it. She battled depression and anxiety too. She also survived a gang rape at a fraternity party during her first week of college, which is surviving a hell of a lot in my opinion. If she could get better and move beyond her pain, then so could I. It really helps to have someone to talk to, who really gets where you are coming from.

Psychological studies of artists demonstrate that Ramsay is not unusual among artists for her suicidal tendencies. A. Preti and P. Miotto released a study in 1999 that included 3093 eminent international artists from the past two centuries: 1300 writers, 692 poets, 267 dramaturgians and comedians, 210 architects, 531 painters, and 93 sculptors. Fifty-nine suicides were recorded from this sample. A suicide rate of 1.9 percent among artists was only slightly higher than that measured in the U.S. population in 2010 (1.24 percent) but that statistic did not include deaths from drug or alcohol abuse.

The Preti and Miotto study found that poets and writers were more likely than any other group of artists to commit suicide, but some subsets of artists have been found even more likely to struggle with suicidal tendencies. In 1995, three scholars in the Harvard Medical School Department of Psychiatry put forth a study that showed half of the 15 20th-century abstract-expressionist artists suffered from mood disorders; with a suicide rate over 13 times higher the national U.S. average (1995).

Musicians were not included in the Preti and Miotto study, but they too can be deeply affected by mood disorders and fight off suicidal thoughts.

“To be honest, I have had flashes of suicidal imagery run through my mind in the past…just images, though,” wrote Cole Hons via email. “Never any serious planning or attempts. In my late teens & early 20s I had a romanticized idea of death–I used to dream of having some perfect night with a lover and then dying at the end.

“Looking back, I see that my adolescent self really bought into our culture’s idealized self-destructive artist bullshit– you know, the whole Jim Morrison trip…during that time, I was such a perfectionist that if I played a show where I didn’t perform my songs perfectly, I thought I deserved to die. I guess I was just so pathetically self-absorbed at the time, I honestly couldn’t see how stupid that would be. There’s this song I wrote later in that phase of my life called “See the Light” that is essentially about staring into that abyss and choosing to live.”

Hons revisited these feelings slightly later in life, and at that point, conquered them.

“I also went through a really dark period after my band and my long-term relationship broke up,” wrote Hons. “It was difficult for me to transition to being a parent with a regular day job. During this phase, I was plagued with dreams about hanging myself. I actually had a very vivid dream in the year 2001 where I was hanging by the neck in my attic for a long, long time—days and days—but just couldn’t seem to die. So I finally untied myself, stepped down and got on with my life. Since that time, I’ve been completely free of any suicidal thoughts and & feelings—thankfully!”

Hons made a short video called “Forgiving” for a contest in 2008; it is now being used by a Canadian health organization to help treat youth with depression, and part of their mission is suicide prevention. “They just stumbled across my video about 6 months ago and contacted me to ask permission to use it,” wrote Hons. “It made me really happy that it’s being used for this.”

What sometimes saves the artist’s life is concern for those who would be devastated by his or her death.

“Yes, I contemplate it even to this day, on occasion,” wrote Roxanne Naydan. “What prevents me is the negative IMPACT it might potentially have on my daughter Lilja.”

Spiraling into depression can be brought on by a variety of triggers—financial strains, hormonal changes, challenging life events, even the strain of living as an artist.

William Snyder III experienced depression for the first time as a freshman in college. Worrying about his finances and relationship anxiety overwhelmed the artist.

“I was lonely, self-focused with the loss in direction,” he said. “I experienced anxiety and tried to prove myself through drawing because it was the only thing I knew.”

Depression is thought to be linked to hormonal changes since twice as many women as men in the general public are effected. By the age 15, girls are twice as prone to depression as boys. Traumatic events in an artist’s life, coupled with depression and hormonal changes, can lead to a persistent change in mood.

Landscape painter Susan Nicholas Gephart was shaken by her brother’s death when she was 11.

“There was no counseling, just an effort to live on as if everything was ‘OK,’” said Gephart. This seemed to create a feeling of a security blanket being removed. I felt fearful and very shy about anything new, even into my 20s. As the years went on I became very interested about understanding the root of emotions, feelings, and what caused them. I read magazines and studied psychology in school. Poetry and painting became a regular way for me to express myself and try to relax.”

Depressive moods are also often tied to the seasons. Many artists experience picks of creativity during spring and fall, while winter blues are characterized by manic periods or melancholia. Changes in mood can be traced in both the amount of completed work and personal letters written by artists in the past. Artists’ correspondence is well documented in popular books. Early American poet Emily Dickinson’s spikes in creativity were recorded and dated in her numerous works; the winter seasons were marked with a prolonged absence of creative output.

“It’s a struggle that is deeper, harder, more intense. It’s a big grey cloud coming from nowhere often in winter,” June Ramsay said.

Just the act of engaging in the arts as a career can lead to depressive periods.

“There is indeed a constant struggle of feast and famine in the art world,” said Gephart. “The uncertainty of sales and even filling a class enrollment are never a for sure situation. The general public also perceives art as a game and not a ‘serious career.’ An artist can exhaust herself just trying to juggle so many balls to pay the bills. There is also the reality that once you create something wonderful, for you to continue to grow and gain respect in the art world, you must keep doing it over and over….forever.”

This state can become so exhausting, according to artist William Snyder, that artists seek work outside their field just to ease not just the financial but emotional burden.

“It came down to the time ratio between drawing and money,” said Snyder. “Drawing was so time-consuming it was equal to simple waste of time. My solid job changed that ratio. I found fulfillment [doing something else I enjoy besides drawing]. I began to think outside myself. I noticed that my art work shifted when I was no longer depressed.”

Working as an artist also means facing rejection, which can start the process of self-doubt, self-denial, heightened vulnerability and despair. Some self-medicate, abusing alcohol and drugs, while others like Gephart strengthen their knowledge of art as a business.

“Art is certainly an insecure job, but it can be balanced by the love of creating and believing things are possible,” said Gephart. “As an adult who has taught art for over 30 years to all ages, I have come to believe art can heal and should be for all to experience, just like reading a book or riding a bike. I was fortunate to stay home with my 3 children and raise them while I painted and did volunteer work hanging shows, etc. I learned more about the business of art on my own than in college during my BFA. Now, as a mentor to teen artists, I always encourage them to understand marketing or consider a duel degree with business and art.”

Easing the pain

A career in art may be the problem, but can also be the solution.

Cole Hons is a rock musician who sees his performances as an addiction to the experience of intense emotional release.

“Musicians are often extremely sensitive people who, just like anybody else, are exposed to suffering and pain,” said Hons. “Being so sensitive, many go looking for medicine. That might be alcohol and drugs. But in my view, the music itself is the biggest and best medicine of all.”

Because feelings of loneliness and emptiness are prevalent, some artists become obsessed with understanding human existence, think of life, death, and spirituality, and often find meaning in depicting these obsessions in art. The Abstract Expressionists were consumed with depiction of tragedy, death, and timelessness. By painting these themes artists find temporary relief from loneliness.

“I struggle every day. We are loners. We deal with some sort of pain. When I’m hurting I use reality to create that world through painting,” Roxanne Naydan said.

By painting what’s meaningful in their lives some artists also find psychological relief in the act of painting. Living on the edge of life, artists experience a positive influence of sudden mood changes as well: they imagine and create easily, capturing rapidly moving thoughts and emotions.

“Creative artistic people have deep emotions that just toss them for loop! As a mentor to teens and college age artists, I have come to see many of them struggle with feelings of sadness,” said Gephart. “Nothing they can pinpoint, just there. It has to make me think that partly the way their brains are designed opens doorways to struggle. I’ve also noticed that when they are creating, they seem at peace. Makes me wonder if we could all just paint, may be the bad stuff would slip away.”

In 1989, Johns Hopkins Hospital professor Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison interviewed a group of artists, 90 percent of which said that very intense moods and feelings were either necessary and integral or very important to the creation of art. Art is created in response to the environment and to the artist’s own emotional struggle. Art also has an undeniable therapeutic effect on our brain. May writers stated that they write to relieve themselves from a burden and communicate through their work.

June Ramsay created a poem and a painting using compost as a metaphor for depression. She worked her way out through painting. Experiencing serious health problems with her foot, Ramsay came to the point of acceptance through painting and finds release from her struggles.

“At the time, I was trying to think of ways that depression might have some positives, like what gifts could it bring to its sufferer,” said Ramsay. “I know there have been times in my life that once I got through the darkness (often with spiritual help, light, and encouragement of others) that I felt I had gained some type of enlightenment or awareness that I could have never gotten otherwise.”

“When the need for a cry is over I let myself back into reality by painting Nature,” Naydan said. ”I love my relationship with it. Nature calms and inspires me. I love painting the light. When there is a loss, there is a wish to recreate what you had and I resolve my longing through painting.”

Musicians and other performance artists also heal themselves through their arts.

“When people sing, play, or dance to music it’s similar to being in love. It’s the act of reuniting with others and experiencing healing together,” Cole Hons said.

Artists often use themselves as essential material for creativity. Some artists have said that they feel they have a heightened sensitivity, and that the energetic moods of a manic phase lend them the capacity to convey unusual thoughts and visionary ideas. Artists have heightened sensitivity and take risks that contribute to the creation of artwork.

“There is some type of heightened awareness, spiritual connection looking at nature and seeing the world differently,” June Ramsay said describing her her experiences during painting retreats.

The depressive phase also serves its purpose to the artist. It gives a chance for contemplation, self-analysis and search for life’s meaning. Deeper comprehension of feelings like love, sorrow, and pain leads writers to create characters with real emotions.

“Depression was the muse, the inspiration for me back then [during depressive phases],” said Snyder. “I didn’t see how great life can be.”

“It’s healing to paint. It’s like a private language where people can glimpse at your soul without speaking,” Naydan said. “There are moments when you are longing for something and I fill that void through painting.”

Depressed people can be intense, have erratic sleep patterns and experience persistent feeling of loneliness even when they are surrounded by numerous people.

“The insecurities that developed in my preteens transformed into a serious problem with insomnia into adult life,” wrote Gephart. “I would wake and think for hours unable to return to sleep. Writing and painting helped. There was often a weight of deep sadness. Partly the past experiences deeply hidden, some of it perhaps being hereditary with family depression, and diet and seasonal light sensitivities.

“As an adult with children and being an artist working at home, I paid special attention to eating right, getting sunshine into my eyes with walks out side, or reading by a sunny window. Most certainly the thing that I noticed most was when I painted, I felt happy in just a few brush strokes. It was in the mid 80’s that it became clear to me that the mere action or process of creating caused some kind of positive chemical change in the way my brain perceived my life in the moment!”

But medication is necessary for some artists to take the edge off and bring temporary balance into artistic life. June Ramsay relies on a combination of medication and therapy.

“I’ve got to find something to keep me stable for my kids’ sake,” she said.

Concern for their children has even brought some artists out of their depression.

“You can’t be selfish when you have kids,” Snyder said. “I don’t hold on to depression anymore as I think outside myself.”

Feelings of hopelessness among artists often come from daily struggle and elevated stress levels associated with the artistic profession.

Many artists are solitary by nature and it becomes enormously hard to succeed when so much “success” depends on developed relationships with clients. Creative personalities must be persistent, driven, and self-motivated to make a career. Yet, reaching success in an artistic career proves to be irrelevant in many cases.

According to some studies famous artists in various fields had continued experiences of melancholia despite having gone through years of hard labor and rejections. Thus, the artist must seek another avenue outside of success, to find acceptance within himself or herself.

“I’ve developed a philosophy of ‘Fear No Art,’” wrote Gephart. “I am art and it is me. We are one in the same. The tears and fears of my past are still in me, but by living through it, I have developed coping strategies that help me when I’m down. I am lucky to know that it will pass if I keep moving forward towards my hopes as an artist.

“Part of my daily comfort comes from God or a ‘Higher Power’ than me. As a mature adult I know that I at times am fragile and weak. When I feel overwhelmed, alone, or sad, I speak openly to God who loves me as I am. In times of joy and especially when I paint Plein Air, I revel at the beauty of this Earth and have an attitude of ‘gratitude’ for this gift of air, land, and water. I guess this is my bottom line of support during depressed times. Being able to focus on gratitude or know that you are loved as is, helps so much to recover from the fragile state.”